Throughout 2020 I came face to face with the reality that much of my faith over the last year or so had be come centered around church on Sunday and youth group on Wednesday. I was allowing this to replace an everyday walk with Jesus. At the beginning of quarantine when my church closed down I really struggled without my “weekly Jesus boosts,” and the realization that my faith had started to become routine.
On Sundays I half heartedly watched the sermons online…I don’t know about you but I found scrolling Instagram during church is so much easier in the comfort of your own home, ya know? I didn’t feel like standing for worship. I found myself disengaged during prayer time. Each week I checked the box of listening to a sermon and that was that.
I wish I could say I spent quarantine immersed in the Word and spending the many new hours of free time I acquired worshiping Jesus but the simple truth is for several months I didn’t. My weekly “Screen Time” report via my iPhone told a very different story. Instead of seeking Jesus through the pain and stress of that season I watched YouTube or scrolled Social Media to zone out.
I began to wonder why it felt like God was so distant….I found it so much easier to assume He was the distant one instead of examining my own choices.
Over the summer I went through ups and downs in the stability of my faith walk. In August I made the decision to wait on the Race and realized I had been putting so much stake on Gap Year being the time when I’d really be on fire for the Lord again and invest in my relationship with God. Welp…That plan didn’t work out too well. Putting a cap on your faith until a time in the future just isn’t a wise idea or how our faith is supposed to be lived out. As we truly saw in 2020, anything can happen and plans can change in an instant.
Over the last few months I’ve been falling in love with Jesus again. So often I forget that just like in any relationship, stewardship leads to deeper intimacy. I can’t ignore a friend for 6 months and then expect to be immediately at the same level of relationship with them through 1 phone call. Relationships take work. God is always so ready to receive my worship, prayers, time, etc but I am the one who has to make an everyday choice to choose Him above anyone or anything else. Matthew 6:21 illustrates this beautifully: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
With so much going on in the US and even globally I’ve really been convicted that my faith must only be in the Lord. If I put my faith in a political leader, my country, or even the pastor of my church, I am always going to walk away disappointed. Without anchoring my faith in Jesus I am like a boat getting tossed along in the waves, slowly sinking with each blow as the things I’ve put my trust in fall away. This year is already shaping up to be difficult on many levels and I need to focus my attention on the King. Only He is worthy of my worship and praise. My eyes must be fixed on Him in this season and every one yet to come.
Recently I have made the decision to start getting up earlier with the main goal of being consistent in starting my day rooted in Christ. Whether that means getting up at 5 am or 6:30, I am working towards making “Jesus Time” my go-to first thing in the morning. No more excuses of “being too busy” (what else am I going to do at 5am anyways haha). I live in a big household so those 2 hours of silence make a huge difference. Throughout the last couple weeks the level of closeness I feel with the Lord has shifted, I am able to approach situations with a better heart posture, and God is opening up doors right now that I could have never imagined. It is never too late to start again. Whether its getting up earlier or starting a Bible plan, I challenge you make a conscious decision to invest in your relationship with God above anything else in 2021. We’re all going to need it.
This year may be full of challenges but I don’t want my faith to be one. My prayer for you in 2021 is despite all the chaos this would be your heart cry as well. That you would grow in intimacy and closeness with the Father and clearly see His mighty hand in your everyday life. May your path in this next season become clearer as you lean into everything He has for you.
With so much love, Amelia
Amelia, I’m inspired by your amazing writing. Thank you for not being afraid of sharing honestly with complete vulnerability. Allowing God’s words to flow through you as written word will encourage so many to renew or begin their focus on Jesus. Blessings and love – Carol ??
Thank you for taking the time to read my post!
I so appreciate the constant support you and Russ have shown me, you are well loved by all the Tabatt household!
I can guarantee you that you made the best choice of waking up early to have more time with Jesus! Keep up the good job! I will be praying that you don’t give up, I know that sometimes is hard to get up so early! Very good! You, for sure, are going to have a great time with Him!
Love, Mirian
Thank you so much for your encouragement! And yes, it is definitely an everyday choice and a bit of a struggle right now but the more I do it the easier it will get. Praying for you guys!
Amelia, I so admire you. Your love for our Lord Jesus truly shines through everything you do!
Blessings,
Hannah
My dear niece, you have made the best choice. Staying in God’s word brings peace and joy in our heart. I see the love of God in your face and the obedience to God in all you do for your family with joy. Sending you love and prayers as you continue your daily walk with your Savior.
Aunt Carolyn
Thank you so much for your encouragement! It means a ton to me. I so miss seeing you at CFA! I heard you are nannying now so I hope that is going well.
I very much agree that making time for the Lord is the best think you could ever do.
Thank you for your prayers and support!
such an inspiring and truthful article! cant wait to send more time with you amelia